Dunning's Blog

How to Get Your Ex Back – When Gifts and Promises Won’t Work Any Longer!

robatyas

22-11-2011

Comments Closed

Okay, first thing you do is you get down on your hands and knees, and beg for all it’s worth. You think that’s going to work? Or should I ask has it worked? It’s probably what you’ve been doing right? Okay, so it’s obvious begging won’t work and we can get that out of the way right now. You see, to get your ex back you have to take a totally new track. You can’t keep doing the same-old-same-old because obviously it does not work.

So what can you do?

Okay not knowing exactly why you broke up or why you’re apart makes it hard to give specific advice. But in a general sense here are some things to think about. The first thing I will advise you to do is to stay apart for a short time. This isn’t about absence makes the heart grow fonder, it’s more about absence makes the memory grow dimmer. Maybe just all you need is a short time away from each other.

This time apart may be as little as a few hours or a few days… but more likely a few days. Breakups are rarely spontaneous, so while you are apart you and your partner need to reflect upon what was going wrong, and if you really could change. A change of some sort is all that’s going to work if you want to get your relationship back together.

Do not figure that you can stay apart from your mate and then show back up, saying sorry, and then expect everything to go back to where you think it belongs. If you do, you’re missing the whole point of this. The relationship is burnt out because one or both parties are numb from the sameness of the relationship. What I mean by this is, two parties each assume their role in a relationship, then become comfortable in that role, not realizing that this role that they’ve taken on eventually bores their mate to death.

Now it could be said that it’s not your fault, I mean if your mate didn’t tell you that you were boring them to death you could plead blissful ignorance.

The problem is that deep down everyone can sense when a relationship has gotten to the point of just two people going through the motions. Most just won’t admit it.

Okay, so now do you understand why you’re going to need some time apart? You are both bored to death with each other, or at least one of you is. So here are things to do while you’re apart.

1. join a gym-lose weight

2. get a haircut or new hairdo

3. learn a foreign language

4. write a novel

5. scale a mountain

Okay so this is getting kind of ridiculous right? The point I’m trying to make is that you probably put a few dreams on hold for this relationship. These dreams are what excited your mate about you in the first place. And by letting the dreams go by the wayside, you are not the person they thought they would be with for the rest of their life. All that stuff that sounded exciting at first is what attracted them to you in the first place. This is the point. When you first got together, everything was exciting and then you got into a routine, and now you need to get out of that routine. Routines can…dull routines can kill relationships.

I’m trying to make you think about it like this. You need to recapture what it was that you first saw in each other and that…in the end, it may be too late to recapture what you both dreamed about.

How to Win Texas Hold’em

robatyas

22-11-2011

Readiness

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Texas Hold’em…minutes to learn, life time to master. One of the most important things that you need to do in order to win, is to be patient. Most people that are unsuccessful are the ones that like to play every hand and chase cards. Be selective on the hands you play and you will increase your odds greatly. Get an understanding of how the other players at the table are playing, loose….tight? This is important to know because the person playing loose is very hard to bet out of a hand and the players that are tight usually only play when they have a monster hand.

A few tips to remember. A loose player likes to bluff alot, one way to feel a loose player out is to raise his bet or check raise him and watch how they react. Remember mentally how they reacted in each betting round, so if it does come to the show down and you see their cards, you have just been given a great read on their style of play. A tight player generally only plays the “nuts” early on, but then they know you have a read on them and their style of play, so in the later rounds they try stealing the pot with a big bet. If you have a feeling they might be trying to steal the pot, again raise their bet. If a tight player is quick to call, more than likely they have a hand so fold. Otherwise with your raise, a tight player will put you on a higher hand, fold and wait until their hand comes along.

Watch how players are betting and remember that, so if it comes to a show down and cards are turned over, you’ll get a good read on their betting sytle. What I mean here is; did they have a made hand or were they on a draw? Did they bet on the flop, turn and river, or slow play their hand? It’s very important to learn how others play in order to win in the later rounds when the blinds are higher.

Playing Pocket Pairs. a couple things I suggest, if its early in a game wait to see a flop. The more players at the table, the riskier it is to go all-in. Wait until you see the flop and then if you pocket pair is higher than the board, bet aggressivly and see how others react. If over cards come out and someone bets big, do not be affraid to fold. Be cautious to what the board gives you, does it give other players an opportunity at a straight or flush? Several times I have had my Aces cracked going all in pre-flop. Later in the game and with less players, pocket pairs increase in strength, becasue you are not on a draw, unless someone else has a pocket pair that is higher than yours.

Bluffing, this is a big part of the game. Alot of players seem to be bluffing more (more so online). Here again, you need to get a feel on others playing styles in order to get a read on them to determine if it is a bluff or strong hand. All players bluff to win a pot, you have to. I think you need to bluff a win, maybe one an hour. If you are a player that doesn’t get caught in bluffs early on, it makes it that much easier to bluff a win once the pot is larger in the later rounds. If you do get caught early and often, players are more than likely to call your bets and get tells that you may not know you have.

On TILT? Another important part of this game is to control your emotions. We all take bad beats or fold a winning hand, it’s a part of the game, but if you get upset or go on tilt, you will not win! Stand up for a minute, sit out a hand, get your thoughts together, put it behind you and get re-focused.

Always remember to be patient and play solid hands. It’s a marathon not a sprint. A Thought to play by; it’s aways better to rake a small pot than to lose a big one.

Texas Holdem Tournament Strategy – Poker Tournament Fundamentals

robatyas

22-11-2011

Online Dating

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This is the second in the Texas Holdem Strategy Series, focusing on no limit Texas Hold’em poker tournament play and associated strategies. In the first installment, we examined a real-world tournament scenario and how to handle a particular class of difficult players – the “maniacs”, aggressive, wild players that are commonly encountered in today’s poker tournament venues.

In this article, we’ll examine the techniques that were used more closely to best these players, along with stitching a Texas Hold’em tournament poker strategy together with some good poker tournament fundamentals.

Let’s begin with some foundational elements of any winning tournament poker strategy – clearly understanding our priorities. In poker tournaments, each player’s primary objectives are:

1. Survival – first and foremost, surviving to play at the final table, and ideally to be the last surviving player (the winner!) is of paramount importance.

2. Building and Protecting that Chip Arsenal – to survive increasingly large blinds and tougher competition at the latter and final tables, a player must build up and sustain a “chip arsenal” – a substantially large stack of chips – early enough in the competition to be capable of surviving and taking various necessary, calculated risks from time to time.

This must be accomplished without risking the entire tournament and building that chip arsenal in the process. Failure to build an early chip lead is a sure ticket to being eroded away once the blinds and antes increase, chewing away at your stack until you’re cornered or dead.

3. Sustained Focus – concentrating on your game plan, attacking when the right cards and situations present themselves and converting those opportunities into “profits”, while avoiding killer momentary lapses of reason (i.e., making occasional mistakes by not paying close enough attention). Focusing like this over an extended period of time is much more difficult than it seems, requiring a constant vigil, self-awareness and self-discipline.

4. Adaptability – as the tournament progresses, it’s critical to recognize when the game dynamics change and quickly adapt to new conditions such as:

o Number of players at the table

o Style of the players

o Size of your chip stack vs. opponents’

o Odds the pot is giving you, especially as blinds and antes increase

o New players arriving that are initially unknown quantities

o New table you’ve been moved to and avoiding mistakes.

Since Texas Holdem tournament events are specifically designed to progressively eliminate players, your foremost objective must be to survive and protect your stack of chips. Taking unnecessary risks is a formula for disaster and an early trip home…someone can always get lucky against you.

Demonstrating the patience to hold back and attack at the most opportune moments, when the odds favor your success, and with a proper battle plan in mind is critical. While others are visiting and socializing, daydreaming, watching the waitresses, and otherwise taking their eyes off the ball, when you’re at a tournament table, it’s time for your focused attention on the game at hand. This kind of extended attention span becomes increasingly difficult to maintain, so rest up before playing in a tournament – do not play when tired if you can avoid it.

I also recommend against alcohol while playing, as it leads to impaired judgment and fatigue.

Here are some basic guidelines to use when playing in poker tournaments or at any table where there are many players that you don’t know well:

1. Prepare and Refine your Battle Plan – when you enter a tournament, you’re going to be fighting a “battle” for survival – against the blinds, the antes, fatigue, as well as against the other players. Would any good military commander go into battle without having first surveyed the battle field, understood the enemy and its tactics, and without having a well-conceived battle plan which takes these facts into account and ensures success? Of course not! If they did, they probably wouldn’t live to tell about it.

You shouldn’t go into a poker tournament without having completed some pre-planning for the battle ahead either. Think about your plan and several things you’ll do in each typical situation ahead of time. Refine this once you’re at the table as your battlefield unfolds before you.

2. Start out slowly. Be patient. Use the early tournament period, while the blinds are still low, to study everyone at your table, identifying the most likely prey, understanding their habits and play styles. Use this time to mentally prepare and refine your “battle plan” for transferring their chips into your stack. It’s best to formulate several strategies during your pre-tournament planning, and then refine each one as you see how the game is actually shaping up, the types of players at your table and how you’ll approach each situation.

3. Set the Stage – play a few “ugly” hands early, limping in occasionally and feeling your way around the table with the other players while the blinds are still low, playing a few hands you wouldn’t normally even consider. This prevents you from starting out with a table image as a solid or tight player; otherwise, you may not get the action you’ll need when you do get those pocket rockets (AA) and great opportunities later.

4. Know Your Own Table Image – Everyone develops a “table image”. Be aware of your own table image, and be careful to mix your game up along the way so that you can’t easily be “typed”. Once others can predict your behavior and your likely reaction to a given situation, they’ll definitely use it against you. For example, if you play mostly premium hands and fold at the first sign of trouble, other players will quickly type you as “weak” and will steal you blind, taking advantage of that knowledge by representing hands they don’t actually have so you’ll fold. If you project that image, know it, so you can trap them with a good hand – make the most of it, since that will definitely destroy your weak table image…

In the first article, I let several aggressive players push me around a little early on, then limped in and dropped out on a few draws, so they all thought I was a tight, weak player and a good target for their aggressive style of play. Letting them push me around some, while not losing much to them, conditioned these aggressive players to push me even harder when they absolutely shouldn’t have – a huge error on their part that I converted into a chip leadership position.

5. Be Careful, Protect Your Stack – You must protect your stack and survive until you get some good hands you can use, so be careful to expend that chip depot deliberately and judiciously – always with purpose. When a player raises you significantly, you must think: 1) how much of my stack can I afford to invest in this one hand, 2) can I win this hand if I play it fully, and 3) what kind of play will yield me the most chips and give me the best overall odds to win against this particular player.

6. Get a Real Hand and Extract Its Value – don’t go up against maniacs and aggressive raisers without a real hand – and definitely, do not challenge them while you’re chasing a draw! Their strength is their bravado and wild, aggressive betting style – it’s also their biggest weakness. When you do get a real hand that you believe is a winner, you must get the most value for it by extracting as many chips as possible from the other players:

o Hit aggressive players head-on, triggering their aggressive response systems, and be willing to stick it out with them, re-raising them all-in if necessary since you know you’re likely in top position, or

o Trap them with a check-raise play. You can often just let aggressive bettors take the initial lead, betting into you and thereby become pot-committed, leading them to putting many or all of their chips at risk. That’s another reason you’d better have a real hand whenever you challenge the aggressive players – they typically just will not fold or back down, and

o Bet enough to extract a significant chip “profit” from the opponents, without forcing them to fold, if you’re sure you have the winning hand.

7. Pay Attention and Focus Outwardly – watch everyone and everything that’s going on at your table. Don’t daydream, and for Pete’s sake – do not focus on your own hand! As a general rule of thumb, spend 3 times as much energy and time trying to determine what other players are holding (especially when you’re not in a hand), gauging their play and betting styles, and refining your battle plan – than you do thinking about your own hands and play. You won’t be playing that many hands if you’re a good poker player, so use this available time wisely.

8. Play the Pot Odds – most people think too much about their own hand and what they might draw next. That’s because calculating and playing the pot odds isn’t yet second nature to them. If that’s you, then you definitely need to get the poker odds ingrained into your subconscious mind, so they’re second nature and you don’t even need to think about them while you’re playing. Find yourself a good Texas Holdem poker odds calculator, practice with it, and you’ll learn the odds of drawing each type of hand and find that you don’t need to think about them.

9. Bluff for the Pot from Good Positions – as the blinds and antes increase, the size of each hand’s pot becomes substantial. Bluffing for these pots from proper positions (e.g., acting late with a big bet, acting first with a semi-bluff hand and bigger bet) is a good way to hold your own while everyone else struggles against the blinds.

10. Play the Player – the key to winning in poker is to get other players to make the wrong play, which you then profit from. To do this, knowing your opponents, understanding what kinds of hands they play, whether they’ll fold when bluffed, and knowing when it’s time to lay down your hand to simply survive and play another is crucial.

The alternative is to do what many players do – just leave most everything to chance and play the game in a random, unpredictable fashion with whatever hands you’re dealt; a.k.a. “gambling”.

They say “those who fail to plan, plan to fail”, and that “hope is not a strategy” – a couple of my favorite sayings that come to mind…have a plan, and execute it.

You must be prepared to mix up your play enough that players aren’t sure what to expect from you. It’s helpful to “shift gears” from one mode of operation to another from time to time. It’s also recommended to play the opposite from everyone at the table; e.g., if most everyone is playing tight overall, then loosen up your play and take advantage of them by overplaying some hands, going on some draws, and a few semi-bluffs. If the table becomes loose, tighten up and attack with a good hand or trap them.

Remember, aggressive players’ egos usually can’t handle being overtly raised or publicly challenged. They expect to be the preeminent raisers and dominate the game, so they’ll often re-raise or go all-in in order to leverage their aggressive position against you. Be ready! You can just about count on it. When they push you at the wrong time, sock it to ‘em! You can use these types of players to build up your chip arsenal and possibly earn yourself a seat at the final table.

There aren’t any absolutes in no-limit Texas Holdem tournament strategy, which is one of the things that make it so entertaining and challenging. These are just a few good tips and techniques that will help you get started and do reasonably well against some good players and some aggressive ones.

Finally, it’s been said “if you can’t spot the sucker at your table, it’s probably you!” I love this saying, because it’s so true. If you do your pre-planning and have confidence in your game plan, along with an ability to observe the opponents and apply the proper techniques against different kinds of players, you’ll go far in Texas Holdem poker tournaments.

So, there’s your first set of Texas Holdem poker tournament strategies. I sure wish someone had condensed things down like this for me when I first started playing. It would’ve saved me years of learning it the hard way. Enjoy.

Good luck!

Rick

Enjoying a Critical Look At Bass Speakers

robatyas

22-11-2011

Love

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Bass speakers are certain kinds of loudspeakers which are beneficial in generating low frequencies. Subwoofers are used in music systems particularly 2.1, 5.1, and 7.1 and normally work in conjunction with the speakers to play low wavelengths. Normally, subs are kept beneath the tables or at the rear of the television sets. Unfortunately, this method of hiding the sub is not suited to cars.

In fact it is the other way around as speakers are hidden in the front or in the door while the subwoofers sit nicely behind, 100% in view of the passengers. Normally it is extremely hard to fit huge drivers in doors or dashboards and hence the subwoofers are installed in the trunks. Many individuals like deep thumping music even so; cars do not always come installed with subwoofers and rather depend on the speakers to do the job.

Subs come in various sizes starting from 8″ – 15″ across and often-even rising to 32″ subs. So with respect to the vehicle as well as on the typical of sound preferred, the subwoofer will probably be selected. But before you go shopping, you need to comprehend a few things first.

1. You will need to carve out a budget for the music system and work inside the budget to get the best products.

2. Continue to keep in mind that the purchase you make will directly impact the method that you tune in to your favorite music.

3. The music you listen to determines the subs you will buy. As an example one sub is desired for music tastes in classical, rock, or country while a minimum of two subs will do for rap, R&B, or techno.

4. With the size of subs decreasing due to technological advancements, placements can be made even in side doors and under the seats!

5. The internet is your closest friend. Research on reviews, check ownership details, view company websites, and form a definite image in your thoughts in regards to what you would like to be installed in your car.

6. Dimensions are normally the most essential aspect. Usually larger subs that are typically 15 inches going up to 32 inches produce lower frequencies while the more compact ones starting from 8 inches produce much higher wavelengths.

7. Power is yet another essential criterion for subwoofers and it is essential that they may have their own power source. It is important to know about their RMS and power ratings, as a higher rating will require another investment in an amplifier.

8. Amplifiers also need to be at the same RMS rating as the subwoofers and ideally really should have a very low total harmonic distortion (THD) to make top quality sounds.

9. Another significant facet of a sub is the cone set which may be either made from paper, Kevlar, polypropylene, aluminum, or carbon fiber. Paper cones are the most fragile while the carbon fiber ones will be the most resilient.

10. To finish, budgetary constraints and space in the car will determine the subwoofers to be chosen and one can look at brands like MTX, Infinity, and Polk Audio.

Getting Your Reality TV Show Idea in Front of the People Who Make Them

robatyas

22-11-2011

Enhancement

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More, more, more for less, less, less is what the networks are saying about reality television because the popularity has staying power that is here to stay forever.

There will always be a new reality show coming out with new ideas coming from every aspect of life and there are even television stations dedicated to reality TV 24 hours a day. I feel the next wave will be even wilder that the what we are seeing now. It’s going to get kind of weird folks, which in turn makes for great television. Sorry to all my buddies in Hollywood that act or are so called real writers…

In my opinion reality TV show writers are just that; “writers” but they are also creators as well which is an interesting duality that is really unique to them. Everyone has got an idea but who is able to lay it out so a producer can envision their show idea, who knows the ins and out and which hoops to jump through. Who knows what will be a colossal waste of time and at the same time knows exactly the proper path to take? The path that can lift your idea from just an idea to a simple proper one page treatment across the right desk of the right person, in the right fashion, without smacking of desperation and looking as if it has been put together by someone lacking experience…

This just came out last week……..

If your idea is good, you might want to move ahead with it NOW. This ebook has the CURRENT list of 150 top production companies that do reality shows along with names of the people in development etc. All 150 addresses + are able to be printed out on sticker mailing labels to make it easy for you to send out your letters and/or treatments. THIS EBOOK ALSO HAS ALL THE INFO on how to do everything else you need to know about getting your reality show idea into an easy and proper format (There is a certain way to do this). Like how to write a BRIEF ONE PAGE TREATMENT, HOW TO PROTECT YOU IDEA, TIPS ON WRITING, SAMPLE TREATMENTS, etc…………..

I WISH I HAD THIS EBOOK TWO YEARS AGO, THE TIME I WOULD HAVE SAVED ABOUT 90% OF MY TIME AND EFFORT.

Stepparents and Loving Their Stepchildren – Why It’s Just Not the Same

robatyas

22-11-2011

Domestic Violence

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The Nature versus Nurture debate is age old. My experience as a Childless Stepmom puts a big point in the Nature column. I love my stepchildren, and I tell their father that all the time. So, I was always very confused and hurt by his reaction when I made a suggestion about their behavior. Suddenly, I had it in for his kids, and I was attacking not only them, but him as well. It took some time, thought, and tears, but I finally realized what I was missing in my ability to relate to my husband: Unconditional Love.

My husband has loved his children since before they were born. He knew that a part of him was coming into this world, and he was going to shape and grow that young life. The first time he met each of his children, his heart grew by leaps and bounds, and the meaning of the word Love took on a whole new meaning. He had a new world in his arms, and he was going to hold onto it forever. Many of us have heard parents describe these emotions, but until we have that experience for ourselves, it is only an idea.

I learned that as a step parent, our stepkids’ actions can affect our like or dislike of them, even if we do love them. We might not love them when they make us angry, or misbehave in some way. Our spouse, however, does not have this separation. For him or her, the love for the child is always first, before any other emotion. No matter how much a child misbehaves, the parent will love him.

When a stepparent wants to talk to the parent about the child, the stepparent must learn to communicate from a love first point of view. To get into this mind frame, it helps to rearrange your own self talk. Instead of wondering why the parent just hugged the child after the child misbehaved, think about how it felt when your own parents comforted you, even when you were in trouble. Remember that your spouse’s experience as a parent is part of what attracted you to him or her. Remind yourself that the children are lucky to have a parent that loves them so much. Keep in mind that children are supposed to misbehave as a matter of learning, and that the parent is not going to catch or discipline every single infraction.

Take some time to make a list of all the things you truly like or love about your stepchildren. Do you pay them compliments on a regular basis, show them affection, or otherwise communicate to them that you enjoy them? Decide that you are going to appreciate the blessing of having these young people in your life, who you get to watch grow up into adults. No matter what they think of you while they are children, do you want them to look back one day and know that you loved them?

You don’t have to be in love with your stepchildren to be conscious of how your spouse feels about them. Being mindful of this very important fact of nature, unconditional love, will help you allow yourself to let go of some of the tension in your household, and it will enable you to enjoy a greater appreciation of your stepchildren and your spouse.

A Q and A With Jack Thompson – One of Australia’s Finest Actor

robatyas

22-11-2011

Dating

Comments Closed

What have you learnt about…

Yourself?

I’ve learned not to take myself too seriously. I’m very serious about that.

Love?

Ahh…love. It makes the world go round, it certainly still makes my head spin and I think it’s the main reason everyone gets up and gets going every day.

Family?

Well, a family can comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes, there’s not just one kind. We all need some sort of family – that seems pretty self evident. Mostly, people flourish in families and that is what you would wish. The sense of family that I’ve seen in our Indigenous communities is truly inspiring.

Belonging?

Is slightly different. I feel a sense of belonging to different places, yet I wasn’t necessarily born in them, there is just something about the way a place resonates; perhaps it’s the labouring that’s gone on there,or the lives that have gone before, who knows, but some places you just feel different about them. I feel like that about the farm I have in Northern NSW. When I’m away on a film, it can be months before I get back to sleep on the farm, but the minute I drive through the gate, I know I belong. And yet I wasn’t born there. I’ve lived there on and off, I’ve worked the land there and I’ve made my family there. I can FEEL that I belong there.

Brothers?

My brother Peter has been a mentor, a mate, an intellectual partner in crime and someone I miss when I’m away. He is the kind of brother everyone should have, and the kind of brother I would hope to be.

Fatherhood?

It is the greatest gift in my life.

Sons?

See above .

Loss?

I try not to dwell on it, but when it’s the reading glasses or the car keys, it’s time to dwell like mad…

Following your dreams?

Always, and I encourage everybody else to do it too. Artists are great dreamers, so are poets, so are filmmakers and I count myself lucky to have worked around so many people following their dreams.

Acting?

It’s the air that I breathe. I feel crook when I’m not acting, and charged when I do. I love it. Acting is heroin for actors.

The power of film?

Well, it’s a conundrum isn’t it? Just a whole lot of coloured light on a white screen, why should it be so powerful? I think it was Carl Jung who said film is like a detective story, it makes it possible for us to experience all the excitement, passion and desire of living which has to be repressed in the humanitarian ordering of life. And frankly, I’m all for the humanitarian ordering of life now; I’ve had more than my share of the excitement, passion and desire of living to date- I’m not planning for it to abate any time soon, but a good movie is certainly easier to manage!

Fame?

Vastly overrated.

Awards?

Nice, but it’s the icing on the cake, not the cake.

Hollywood?

Mad but fun.

Poetry?

The constant rhythm to my days. I’ve just finished recording a new CD, Favourite Australian Poems that has all the big Banjo Paterson and CJ Dennis poems on it, plus some Lawson and the marvelous Tumba-Bloody Rumba by John O’Brien. It was a hoot to do.

Being Australian?

The new Australian-ness, the one that embraces cultures from everywhere is what makes me most excited these days. Being Australian to me now means being part of a mature sophisticated, international culture that knows what it has come for, acknowledges its debt to its First People and embraces that richness. We are a decent, loving people who do still believe in a fair go. I love being Australian.

The bush?

I’m never more at home than out in the Territory, under the stars, billy on the fire. The smell of the bush, the sounds of it, every Australian should experience it to really get to the heart of who we are. To spend just half an hour alone in the Australian bush is to experience the simply elemental. It’s a unique experience.

Indigenous Australians?

Are the people to whom contemporary Australians owe the biggest debt. They understood the country better than we have, looked after it better than we have, and despite all our profound mistakes and wrong doings still seek to reconcile with us. How generous is that? White Australians don’t really deserve such generosity. We should be proud of the Indigenous backbone of the country and ashamed of our wilful ignorance and destruction of much that they hold dear.

But I tell you what, a trip to the National Centre for Indigenous Excellence in Redfern is a joyous event. That’d change any hardened heart. You should see what goes on there. It’s a wonderful place!

Reconciliation?

Is a joyful obligation on our part.

Fighting for what you believe in?

War is an outmoded concept. Grown men and women, and nations should be able to sit down and nut out their differences. I’m a fifties child. Can’t see the point in fighting for peace. But I guess, I’ve not really ever had to put that to the test. I have nothing but admiration and awe for the Australians who did.

The power of the male centrefold?

At the time, it didn’t seem like a particularly major thing to do. I was an actor, it was the 70′s, most actors saw and still see our bodies as ammunition in the gun belt, tools in the expressive tool kit so to speak. So all the fuss took me a bit by surprise, but I’m glad I did it. I still meet women who say they have kept their copy of the Cleo centrefold and I’m glad that it provided the pleasure it did. My body has served me well.

Being a sex symbol?

Those that are must love it and hate it simultaneously, but I’ve never thought of myself that way, nor sought to be thought of like that. I’m an actor, a husband, a father, that’s challenging enough.

Living with two women?

Ahh, the seventies. There was much that was great about them, much that was folly, and much that was noble experimentation, but would I do the same things again in the same way, knowing what I know now? Probably not. But that is what being young is for, pushing the boundaries, finding out who you are. Maturity asks other things of us.

Physical pain?

We live in the 21st century. We put men into space. I can’t see why physical pain has to be part of the modern age. Evidence based medicine has served me well thus far.

Alternative therapies?

Well, you can’t underestimate the power of the mind, and it’s not as though the mind/body dichotomy hasn’t been exercising scientific brains for generations. I like to think I keep an open mind about all things. We don’t know everything yet.

Sitting still?

Well, I remember the experience, but it’s been awhile.

Resilience?

More please! I think actors probably need more resilience than other people. So do kids. It’s something you would like to be able to give your kids, isn’t it?

Getting older?

Bring it on! I suppose more grace is part of the package deal is it?

The future?

Bring it on!

God?

Whichever takes your fancy. I do think people that have a spiritual connection, whichever the flavour, are more interesting, happier and better to be around than people who are still floundering around in the universe without any clue at all. You don’t need the answers that religions provide, but you do need to ponder the questions.

Death?

Is a natural part of life!

Do Belly Button Rings Really Change A Person?

robatyas

22-11-2011

Conflict

Comments Closed

Belly button rings only change what a person looks like, and not even by that much. They do not change who a person is deep down.

Belly button rings, in reality, don’t change a person’s appearance all that much. It is only a minor change in one little location, and being in a navel means that you do not have to look at it. So if you think that if your son or daughter has it done, this is something that will stare you in the face day after day, and that absolutely everyone and their brother will see, think again. For inappropriate occasions, such as funerals or sometimes school, it can easily be covered up. Actually, it can be covered up every day awhile he or she is lounging around the house so that you don’t have to see it. But then why get it, right? Because it will make him or her feel better about themselves.

When kids sport belly button rings, they are trying to say something about who they are as a person. And at this tender, self-exploratory age, that means the world to them. Think back how ever many years, back to when you were a teenager. Now think how vital this horrid age is. Think about who you are or were, and then think about how your view may have been changed by one rather dumb comment about the style you were into back then. Admit it or not, that hurt you somewhere, and if it didn’t hurt, it ticked you off something fierce. Am I right? And when a teen gets mad, they rebel. That rebellion is usually what leads to doing dangerous things. And I doubt that is something you want your child to go through.

Now that you have taken a second to think about all of this, don’t you think that it’s better to be supportive of them? Belly button rings are quickly becoming one of the safest piercings to get, aside from getting your ears pierced that is, so that isn’t something that should make or break your decision. Just take it from me, be supportive and, if it makes you feel better, let your teen know how you feel, but assure them that you are supportive of their needs and wants. This will make a world of a difference for your teen.

June Weddings

robatyas

22-11-2011

Commitment

Comments Closed

From the book Spider’s Big Catch

As June wraps its arms around us like the warm hug of a favorite aunt, I begin to think about weddings. I’ve been a musician for thirty years, and I’ve played at scores of weddings and receptions, sometimes more than once for the same person. It was a way to make a living–the money was good and there was usually decent food.

As a wedding soloist, I’d sit off to the side, watching brides in white dresses and grooms in rented tuxedos promise to love each other forever. But somehow, I couldn’t shake a sadness that always hung over me as I watched, knowing that one in every two marriages will fail.

I can’t explain it, but over the years, I developed an eye for knowing whether a couple was going to make it or not. There was just something about the way the bride and groom related to each other–the look in their eyes and their body language–that offered clues as to how their marriage was going to turn out.

Then one afternoon, while our band was playing for a large reception in a small town ballroom, I casually looked across the vast sea of people. My glance moved from table to table, until I saw the bride and groom, sitting alone in a corner. They were sitting in total ease, holding hands, saying nothing.

Her flowing white dress and his tuxedo seemed out of place, but their happiness and comfort with each other was totally apparent. There was no question that those two people belonged together. They would’ve been sitting there in those same two chairs, still holding hands in exactly the same way, if they’d been wearing blue jeans and overalls at someone else’s reception.

They were at a party, to be sure–a big, loud party. But the party was really for the benefit of everyone else in attendance. They were totally comfortable just sitting in their corner, out of the limelight, watching the people they loved having a good time.

As cynical as I’d become over the years, something struck me at that moment as I watched that couple. I realized that weddings actually represent the triumph of the human spirit. Every marriage is a public statement by two people, letting the whole world know that together, they choose to believe that their union will be the one-in-two that lasts.

When thought of in that way, every wedding really symbolizes a victory of hope–in the face of all odds. Sure, it’ll take all their courage and strength to succeed, but no matter what, couples continue to try.

They know the statistics are against them–but they look straight into the eyes of the odds makers and say, “So what?”

And why not? Throughout history, people have staked their fortunes, and sometimes their very lives, on less than a 50-50 chance.

Maybe that’s why we hold so many weddings in the month of June. It’s a month that can be unpredictable–full of warmth and promise one minute, and then suddenly becoming stormy and filled with uncertainty.

As for me, since seeing that couple, holding hands at their reception, I’ve begun singing my wedding solos with a renewed hope–embodied by two people at the altar, vowing to face their future together, in spite of overwhelming odds.

Dating A Professional Single

robatyas

22-11-2011

Affairs

Comments Closed

At one time or another and maybe in some people‘s cases all the time we’ve dreamed about dating a rich guy or gal. You know the successful lawyer or doctor or the on the edge entrepreneur. It’s that perfect scene we play in our head that allows us to see things just the way we want them to be but in reality dating a professional single may not be quite so picture perfect. Now I don’t mean that in a negative sense I mean that more in a realistic, scheduling, goal reaching, aggressive personality sense.

What is a professional single?

I guess in technical terms it would be any single person who holds a “white collar” job. A business owner, a executive, a doctor, a lawyer, I think you get the idea. Someone who probably has a college degree, maybe several, someone who is driven to succeed, who probably enjoys the finer things in life, who doesn’t like excuses but relishes results. A person who wants to make the most out of their professional life. They are not satisfied with a 9 to 5 career but are instead looking for every opportunity to succeed as far as they can in their given field. Does that make them a bad person? Does that make them a person who cares for no one but themselves? Hardly, in fact the world needs driven individuals like a professional single. Can you imagine where we would be if the Romans had not had so many driven people or if the Egyptians had decided that thinking big was too much? I’m not trying to get into a history lesson or morality debate here, I’m just showing what a person who is trying to get the most out of themselves can do. A single professional is certainly a person trying to get the most out of themselves.

What are the downfalls to dating a professional single?

Like any relationship involving two people you will always have downfalls so don’t be under the impression that dating a professional single will be any better or worse than dating the non-professional single. Those factors lie more in who the person is not what their career is. I mean if you date a jerk, you date a jerk. Whether he has on a $1500 suit or a pair of Levi Overalls, he’s a jerk. OK, so what are the downfalls to dating a professional single?

Time away from home – This means time away from you

The job is always on their mind – You might be out on the perfect dinner date but if a big deal is in the works you should not be surprised if the cell phone rings and it’s answered.

Perfectionism – They may not be the tidiest person or remember to bring flowers but in some way all highly driven professionals are perfectionists

Job is first – Can you play second fiddle? Although this may not be true in every sense but in many ways the job will come first.

How to avoid the downfalls of dating a professional single.

Time away from home – Of course they’re going to be going to the office everyday, maybe out of town once a week or more and maybe even over a weekend in fact if they are very driven, you can expect all of these and more. Late hours, early mornings, numerous days in which you may not see each other and might not even speak one on one. The remedy? Communicate. Have an ongoing calendar, it won’t be perfect as things change but it’s one tool in communicating. If you can see a schedule it will help you understand what’s going that week or day. Always talk once a day. Both of you must be committed to speaking to each other daily. It might be for only 5 minutes at 2 a.m. but it will make a difference.

The job is always on their mind – In every persons professional career especially early on they are given responsibility to get the job done. This may entail them following up on every detail at all hours of the day and night. You must understand that this is part of working your way to the top and even more importantly the professional you are dating must understand that although they might have to take a call at dinner they should keep it as brief as possible and let their colleagues know that a call should only be made if it is extremely important or critical in nature. Communication once again plays a role in the relationship, for all parties involved.

Perfectionism – How hard is it to be perfect? Well since no one that I’ve ever met is, it must be impossible. That being said we probably all have idiosyncrasies that some would consider a trait of perfectionism. Professional singles are no different, they must have details or actions within their jobs that require perfectionism otherwise the product or service they produce would be substandard which is not the mark of a successful professional. Take the perfectionism in stride and recognize you probably have some traits that drive your partner nuts. Identify, recognize and adapt. Those three words will go along way in helping you and him or her overcome your faults.

The job is first – Ouch, how can someone put something before me? Guess what, this happens whether the person is a professional single or a everyday man. Something’s always going to be important to someone and there may come a time when they have to choose you over that activity or function. Although this is a very black and white statement the truth is there is no easy answer for this question. In the case of a job you would have to look at each incident to determine the worth. For example if you had a date planned at 7 and you get a call at 6:45 that something came up at work it’s ok to be upset but more importantly you need to judge the moment. Without being a nagger you should find out what is so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, if the answer is valid then you must put it in context with the relationship overall. You knew going in that the career of the person was a big part of their life so you should accept that with that commitment to career comes some sacrifice on your end. However if you find out the reason for the cancellation is not a 911 emergency but a 411 pizza call then you should re-assess the person immediately. This would be a case of someone who is not honest, respectful or committed to having a relationship.

Let’s summarize: Dating a professional single will probably entitle you to a lifestyle that leans towards the finer things in life and would probably ensure a future of financial stability and a golden retirement. Dating a professional single will also bring you many hours of you time, interrupted plans and until those retirement years a backseat to the demands of a successful career. If you are a person that can see a person for what they are and accept them for those strengths and faults and if that person meets what you deem as the perfect mate then dating a professional single is probably the best thing you will ever do.

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